Sunday, May 15, 2011

Need?

Need...or want? I am so confused with my feelings right now. I just broke up with my boy friend, quit my jobs, moved out of my apartment and now I am miles and miles away from everything I know, completely out of my element. I find myself trying to find love in all the wrong places, can't I just be independent? I rely on other people for my happiness and I wait on them all day/night. I just wonder why I do this and why I can't stop. Its not like I'm going around fucking everyone, I actually haven't done anything since I broke up, but I have these feelings that makes me want a man by my side. I have this feeling that I need someone to confide in, someone that won't screw me over and tell everyone my deepest darkest secrets. In life sometimes I wish for an easy button, but that will never come so I might as well stop my search for it. Life isn't meant to be easy, if its easy I don't want it. I am hoping that when I move to NC that I find a new person there (myself) a different version with self-respect and independence. She is going to do what makes her happy and is going to stop this search for someone to fill that void, I will fill that void and complete myself. I'll show myself what I am capable of and in the end I hope that my pursuit of happiness gets back on the right track.

Haha, well in the last post, (which was only minutes ago) I said good night and this was it for tonight...but obviously that wasn't the case and I had to get this out as well. This too isn't finished, there is far more that I need to say on this subject, I just need a little longer to clear it all out when I'm not feeling so jittery.

Good
Night

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